Red roses for love, 19 years on


Today marks 19 years since my first husband Gary died in Sydney, Australia. As has become tradition, I scattered petals from two red roses in remembrance of Gary, one rose from our son and one from me.

Today the wind gusted off the North Sea, so as happened last year, the rose petals blew right back at me. Gary loved ferns, but the wind wouldn’t even let the petals reach the ferns just over the hillside fence. I found a white fern-y bush instead, and managed to drop the petals among its flowers.

Today I believed Gary already knew our son became a father little more than 5 weeks ago, but I whispered to him all about it anyway, knowing he would adore his first granddaughter and she would adore him, and that although I will never see this with my earthly eyes, I feel it every day in my heart.

Today I Skyped with my son, unable to imagine how much he misses his father, always and especially now that he’s become a lather himself.

Today, as is also part of this tradition, I brought red roses home for Clive, and wondered at the mystery that is life and loss and love. Red roses for love, for all we love and have loved, who will always be a part of us.

7 Responses

  1. Isn’t it amazing how this chain of love has so many links. A wonderful tribute…thanks so much for your post.

    • Martha, thank you and I really love your words, ‘The chain of love has so many links.’ That is beautiful and true. THANK YOU 🙂 xx

  2. Hello Carolyn, so nice to have an update from you, especially this lovely tradition of the tribute to your first husband and the roses for Clive too.
    Congratulations on becoming a grandmother! I hope that you will be able to visit the new family of three very soon. Take care.

    • Thanks so much on all counts, Patricia. I appreciate it and hope all is well with you and yours. All the best, Carolyn

  3. Bitter memories. I’m so sorry. This is a wonderful memorial ritual.

  4. Carolyn, so beautiful! Sending much love to you, Clive and your son. L & B

    Linda Spalla “Bernie’s Paris – Travel Stories with Love” available on Amazon


  5. Hi Carolyn…..

    I’ve been trying to find the right words of maybe comfort for you and I guess for Ben an me.

    Every year I’m touched by your e-mail. In spite of the tragedy of Gary’s death…God blessed you with another love. Clive is quite a man to welcome you sharing your feelings. Remembering Gary’s death serves as a loving reminder to all of us who also loved him. LThank you.

    On another subject….will you be sharing any pictures of your granddaughter? I know you are a very private person. I suspect you have not been with her just yet….but when you do….what a joy you will experience.

    Take care of yourself and Clive… lynda

    Sent from my iPad


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