Paris on My Own: Filling My Heart but Missing My Hubby

Ranelagh Gardens, Paris

Ranelagh Gardens, Paris

Forty-eight hours ago, I arrived in Paris after a typically pleasant Eurostar journey, except for one thing. The seat next to me – which we’d booked and paid for several weeks ago — was empty.

Clive’s still in England, handling a number of matters related to the care of his 94 year-old father. We hope these will be settled within a few days (notwithstanding the ‘not much happens over the long Easter weekend’ situation), so Clive can join me in Paris sooner rather than later.

In the meantime, I’m experiencing a range of emotions. On one hand: joy that I’m in Paris, nesting in my second home and soaking up the City of Light. On the other hand: a mix of frustration, sadness, and a dollop of guilt thrown in for good measure, that Clive’s not here, too.

Luxembourg Garden & Palace, Paris

Luxembourg Garden & Palace, Paris

The past two days have been the first ones Clive and I spent apart since our marriage in November 2010.

Earlier this week, when it appeared his father’s issues would require hands-on involvement, Clive generously suggested I go to Paris ahead of him. We had only 24 hours to decide. I was torn, knowing I’d feel regret either way (why can’t we have more black and white choices?). Either I’d go to Paris and miss Clive there, or I’d stay in England and miss everything we’d planned for Paris.

After talking over the likely progression of activities regarding his father, going back and forth in my own mind a million times, and concluding my physical presence was not crucial to Clive’s ability to do what needed to be done each day, I decided to go on ahead.

Paris café

Our local Paris café

Thanks to frequent Skype contact, we’re keeping up to date with events on both sides of the Channel.

Clive is dealing with a sequence of issues related to his father’s care, a gracious act in my opinion, as they’ve had what Clive calls a ‘fractured’ family history and ‘never had a father-son relationship.’ Clive’s the primary contact now, and I can relate very much as I’m in a similar situation with my mother (and currently dealing with some issues with her care and the unfathomable U.S. medical bureaucracy, as it happens, but that’s another story).

As for me, when I arrived Wednesday evening and rode the metro from Gare du Nord, I wanted to jump out at every station just to soak up PARIS.

Springtime at the Eiffel Tower, Paris

Springtime at the Eiffel Tower, Paris

I miss my hubby’s presence – and also his IT expertise (new laptop, wireless printer, can’t get them to communicate so I can print, sign, and scan back one of those endless U.S. health care forms …). I’ve only had to ask Clive a couple questions about how to get the rest of the apartment technology working, and only one about the bathroom water supply.

I know Clive’s doing a great job handling daily activities in the UK. Our priceless friends have also been kind to him with lunch and dinner invitations. And I’m grateful to be in Paris.

Our chocolate Easter bunnies have greeted each other on Skype and will be eaten in view of each other on Sunday.

Paris bunny

Paris bunny

With any luck, we’ll be together in Paris next week.

6 Responses

  1. Love this! Hopefully you too will be re-united soon!

  2. I hope Clive will be able to join you soon. Let me know if you’re over my way!

  3. Palmtreesandpeas, welcome and thanks for your kind comment.

    Rosemary, thank you too — and I will indeed let you know 🙂

    Cheers and happy weekend.

  4. Oh, Carolyn, I’m so happy to meet you! Thank you for commenting on my blog so I could find you.

    I, too, LOVE Paris. I’m not sure whether I’ll ever get back to Europe, but I sure would love to.

    I admire you for deciding to focus on the good, the pretty pictures, in the days you’re apart from Clive. After 20 years, I’m still not myself when I’m apart from Ken.

    I’ve followed you, and I am so very much looking forward to getting to know you.

  5. Tracy Lee, welcome and thanks so much for your kind comment! Love that you love Paris 🙂 and hope you are indeed able to return there.

    I’m happy to have found your website (and book) as well and look forward to exploring it further.

    Cheers and thanks again for your comment (and cheers to our lovely husbands!).

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